does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
