how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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