you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
