Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
