A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
