I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
