Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
