So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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