Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
