I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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