Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
