Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
