This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
