we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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