Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
