things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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