IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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