just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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