I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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