Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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