my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
