I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
