what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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