Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
