This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
