I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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