I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You pole danced in your parka.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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