I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
