When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I need a beard to bite.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
