I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
