I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
