I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
