That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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