I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
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