What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
