Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
