and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
