I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
