this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
