I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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