Taylor Swift is so right about you.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
