Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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