I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
