Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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