you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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