I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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