Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
