There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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