I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
