i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
