do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
